Networking: Getting started (Part 2)

In the last post, we established:

1. There is at least one person willing to help you in this process of figuring out what you want to do
2. You need to tell them that you need help and how they can help you

This post is about how to ask for help.

Step 1: Compile a list of people to contact. Think about who is in your inner, middle, and outer circles.  Write down the names of your family, friends, teachers, classmates, alumni, community associates, etc.  You can grow this list by building your network, which typically involves going to events, getting involved, and meeting new people.  (Scroll down to the bottom of my last post and read my friend’s comment on building your network.)

Networking: Getting started (Part 1)

My cousin goes back to San Jose State’s college of business every semester to talk to juniors and seniors, and one of the things he stresses to them is the value of networking.

My cousin and I, like many people, didn’t really get into networking until we needed a job.  It’s too bad, because it was at that point that we realized we should have started much earlier.  And so we go back to colleges to tell juniors and seniors to learn from our mistakes and begin to network while still in school.

Many students I’ve talked to recognize that this is good advice, but don’t know how to act on it.

“But I don’t have a network.  Most of the people I know are my age.”

You do have a network.  Remember, a network is a set of interdependent relationships in which people will want to help you and have the means to help you.  I can think of at least one person who will want to help you. Your mom.

I bet there are others who would be happy to help you: your dad, your siblings, your extended family, your neighbors growing up, your old coach, your favorite teachers from high school, your spiritual leader, your current professors, friends from the class that graduated above you, etc.

“But none of those people are doing things I’m interested in.”

Remember that networking is not just about who you know, but who *they* may know. Maybe your dad plays tennis with someone who studied the same thing you’re studying.  Your grandma’s friend from church just retired from being the head of a big company.  My boyfriend’s mom trains in kung fu with a woman who gave me great career advice (true story).

Yet all these people who would love to help you, may not know that you need them to, or how.  You have to tell them.

“So what do I ask for?  I don’t event know what kind of job I want.”

You don’t have to.  That’s why you need their help.  Besides, you’re not asking for a job.  You will be asking your network to put you in touch with people who can provide you with information, advice, and more people to contact. The goal is to have your network put you in touch with people with whom you have a 20-30 minute conversation, often called an “informational interview.”  These informational interviews are a way for you to learn about what options exist for you, and what it takes to get there.

“Ok. But I feel bad.  Why would someone want to take time out of their busy schedule to talk to me?”

Here’s the biggest secret about informational interviews: People love talking about themselves. They LOVE it.  Trust me.  I admit it.  I love talking about myself.  And wow, if talking about myself can *help* someone?  AWESOME.

I hope I’ve dispelled any mental blocks you’ve had about networking, because it’s time to get started.  Next post: How to write that letter asking for help.

But I don’t know what I want to do

“But I don’t know what I want to do.”

A couple weekends ago I was at my favorite restaurant for Pad Kee Mao (Lucky House Thai in Berkeley, if you wanted to know), trying to help a young undergrad shake the stress of her summer internship search.  I was offering advice about how to conduct a networked job search, when she alerted me to her bigger dilemma.

“I don’t think I’m passionate about anything.”

Passion can be an intimidating word.  As I once wrote in a craigslist post, being passionate about something “doesn’t have to be big like raising money to help some endangered animal that’s too lazy to screw to save their species (sorry, once went on a trip to Hong Kong and saw a couple pandas that were exactly that), but it can be as small as driving around San Francisco for forty minutes looking for a 24-hour Jack-In-The-Box because two tacos and a chicken sandwich sound so good at 2am that you absolutely must find them.”

So, what do you want to do?  It may seem like a very very big, almost unaswerable question, but it’s possible to find an answer.  Notice I say ‘AN’ answer, and not ‘THE’ answer.  THE answer may not exist, because it will always be changing.  Besides, Type-A super-achiever folks are often too obsessed with finding “THE” answer when “AN” answer will do just fine.

Here is the first exercise I did when I didn’t know how to answer that question.

 You will need: a big piece of paper and either colored pens or a bunch of post-its.

The post-it mind map I created while preparing to apply to business school

Step 1.  Prepare to make a list. Actually, a mind map.  Even better than that, a mind map of post-its if you have them, so that you can rearrange items as you notice patterns.

Step 2.  Write down all the things you have done or been in life. What if you haven’t done anything?  Untrue.  Don’t limit yourself to defined extra-curriculars, jobs, achievements, or the kind of stuff that you’d put on your resume.  No one has to see this list but you.  One thing that could go on my list is “obsessive list-maker.” Just think about how you spend your time.  Try to aim for 30 – 50 things.

Step 3.  Look at the list/mind map as a whole.  What things did you enjoy?  What things were you good at? (Note: Enjoying something and being good at something are two totally different things.  In college I hated Investment Science, but for some reason I was also good at it.)  What things did you hate?  What motivated you to do the things you did?  What prompted you to stop doing the things you don’t do any more? Do you see any patterns?  If you’ve written your list on post-its, start grouping things that seem to be related/similar.  If all of your things are on a single piece of paper, connect similar things with lines, or color-code them using different colored pens.

Here is a picture of the “Stuff I’ve Done” mind map I created for my Personal Innovation Project during business school.

Step 4.  Look at the groupings, and pick out themes you feel are important to have in your life.  It may still be a jumble of words, but those themes should give you a good start in thinking about what types of things you would like to do in the future.

Step 5.  Translate the themes into sentences starting with the words “I want to…”

Voila.  You have a list of things you want.  It will likely need to go through some iterations of refinement, but this is a good start.  Stay tuned for more exercises that will help you think about what you want and how you can work these things into your life.

Coming soon!

I just started this blog yesterday, but I’ve been thinking about it for a couple years, so already have a bunch of ideas for post topics.  For now, the list includes:

Finding Direction: exercises in how to figure out what you want to do and how your interests can translate into making a living

Getting/Creating your dream job: leveraging the network you have, developing your network, conducting informational interviews, following-up, pitching your own internship

Succeeding at your first job/ internship (for recent college grads): managing upward, structuring effective communication, useful Excel tips, taking control of your own professional development

Personal development: dealing with the voice in your head, facing fears, managing stress, finding courage to do what you love

Keep checking back, and let me know what else you might find helpful!

For Winnie

Sometime back in 2007, I was out on the balcony of Cheesecake Factory atop the Macy’s Union Square, eating an early dinner.  Sitting across from me was my mentee Winnie, who was a junior at UC Berkeley at the time, and a friend she had brought along.  Winnie had just landed a summer internship at a large cosmetics company.  I was giving her advice on how to structure succinct yet effective communications, something I had learned during my first job out of undergrad.

“Wow, that’s really helpful.  You should totally write a book on this stuff or something,” her friend said.

It’s now February 2011.  Winnie is still my mentee, but now also a good friend.  In the past four years, I feel like I’ve shared a lot of lessons I had picked up along the way with Winnie, and with many others younger than me.  It’s finally gotten to the point where I repeatedly find myself having the same conversation and providing advice on the same topics, so I guess it is time to write these things down somewhere.

I didn’t come up with any of this stuff on my own; much of what I’ll be writing here I learned from others who were kind enough to share their thoughts and wisdom with me.  This is simply a compilation of advice and guidance I have found useful in my life.  I hope some pieces of it can be helpful to you, too.

Here goes.  For Winnie.  And for you.